In a pique of boredom this evening I scanned in and annotated the map that comes with Tengai Makyou: Daishi no Mokushiroku (The 4th Apocalypse). This is a Saturn RPG famed for its historical parody humor; the first three games take place in Japan, but the fourth is set in America.
This map is basically what would happen if you got a bunch of Japanese guys in a room, got them drunk, and then asked them to draw what they could remember about America on a bar napkin. Hell, that’s probably how this game was originally designed. Anyhow, I feel the map speaks for itself.
CSS 2.0
February 1, 2006 at 12:50 am
Most of my classmates from high school social studies would’ve seen nothing wrong with that map, aside from the apparent absence of the Upper Peninsula of “Michigan.”
February 1, 2006 at 3:00 am
actually, according to the popularly held info of the time, they were only allowed to use information they knew from hollywood movies and nobody who had actually been to america was allowed to be involved in the scenario/etc. for the game.
February 1, 2006 at 4:36 am
I love how there’s nothing between Houston and El Paso but a gulf of water, but likely because sometimes I’ve wished it would happen… Not that I’m fonder of those two cities, but hey, some stuff would be easier to put up with if driving involved waterways rather than asphalt. =P
February 1, 2006 at 7:40 am
new jersey is just a hole in the ground?
well at least they got *something* right. ;-)
February 1, 2006 at 9:23 am
it’s worth noting that the “japan” of the first 3 (and spinoffs, and presumably the new) games in the series is based on the (fictional?) 1800s writings of a westerner called PH chada (or something — only seen it in katakana) who knew absolutely fuck all about japan. the “japan” of tengai makyou is called “zipang” in fact.
February 1, 2006 at 10:04 am
The name used sounds like it’s keeping with historical fact. “Cipangu”, “Cipango” or “Cipang” were variations of the name that Europeans gave to Japan for centuries. It was based on Marco Polo’s bastardization of “Jihpen-kuo”, which was the word he overheard when Chinese people would talk about Japan. Maybe “Zipang” was the sound the Japanese heard from the first few Westerners they met, when those foreigners would refer to their land?
February 1, 2006 at 1:48 pm
ferricide: PH Chada = pseudonym for the development team. He’s not real.
February 2, 2006 at 2:02 am
MAN, of all the obscure things, why El Paso? I mean, cripes, most Texans haven’t been to El Paso (…I drove through it once, does that count?) And I like that Indianapolis is practically in Canada, eh.
February 2, 2006 at 2:33 am
So, is the “Ice Palace” Ted Stevens’ (R. Alaska) next big project?
February 2, 2006 at 6:02 pm
The continual running gag reference to “Cool Runnings” in the game are TOTALLY made up for by the Soylent Green reference(s) in the pig city. Pigs mindlessly eating the pork that comes from the factory at the center of town. Priceless. There is much to love in the Fourth Apocalypse.
February 2, 2006 at 6:59 pm
Your description of this map’s potential origins made my day.
February 3, 2006 at 4:01 am
I am stoked to see that my hometown has big cat heads on top of every building.
DFS.
February 3, 2006 at 5:41 am
Carlsbad Caverns–so nice they placed it twice!
February 3, 2006 at 5:47 am
Sadly, no doubt due to the cold Canada was nixed and Alaska was moved to a more temperate latitude :)
February 3, 2006 at 8:47 am
I like that Alcatraz is the size of fucking Dallas and the SF Bay that surrounds it could be another Great Lake. Try getting off of that island!
Honestly though, I’m quite impressed. If someone had handed me some crayons and asked me draw japan, I’d draw something that looked like an island…or something.
February 3, 2006 at 11:57 am
Christ, and they wonder why no one takes game journalism seriously.
I dunno, this “Man, them Japanesees are crazy” posts are getting kinda stale.
No, it’s not how Japan sees America, it’s how an RPG team turned America into an RPG-style map.
Have you ever seen “Japan” in these types of games? It’s about as accurate. Not many countries hold up well to a game with a 20-town cap. =P
February 3, 2006 at 1:03 pm
This…is game journalism?
I thought I was reading the personal writings of this Mr. Vestal. WTF
February 3, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Okay, somebody get Some Guy a beer and put him down for a nap. He’s wearing his cranky pants today.
February 3, 2006 at 4:49 pm
Wow.
February 4, 2006 at 5:05 am
Personally, I’m most impressed by the fact that, minus the relative size and “Ice Palace,” Alaska is almost right. Fairbanks could stand to be nudged west, but otherwise it’s basically correct. I have to wonder why it’s so perilously close to accuracy on a map where Missouri is a city, Seattle is in Montana, and Indianapolis is on the northern tip of Michigan (right next to Niagara Falls, apparently).
February 4, 2006 at 6:25 pm
I literally lol’d at that.
Chicago and Detroit are fucking classic.
June 10, 2006 at 2:37 pm
[...] [...]
January 24, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Frank to say, I didn’t noticed it before! You are quite clever ma!
Don Lapre Jeffery
webmaster@gidnoc.com
http://www.gidnoc.com
June 9, 2007 at 1:22 am
[...] Original Post: These Not-So-United States [...]
June 9, 2007 at 2:30 pm
[...] An ancient post of mine–its age can only be told through carbon dating–got dugg today for no good reason. I feel like I should take advantage of whatever newfound audience has wandered my way. Unfortunately, I can’t think of anything to say right now. Writing critiques of books, movies, and music just doesn’t bring the same excitement it used to. For now, I’ll just recommend everyone check out Asobi Seksu (MySpace). Perhaps later I will elucidate why. Perhaps not. [...]
June 11, 2007 at 2:17 am
[...] Link to Map (see larger version) | Link to post – via digg, Thanks John! [...]
June 11, 2007 at 11:30 am
Hell, I’m a native son and I’m not sure I could do much better. As for me making a map of Japan, well, I’d just write down it’s the Land of the Hot Asian Chicks.
June 12, 2007 at 12:52 am
[...] [Via Yukihime] [...]
June 12, 2007 at 5:44 am
The Mutated States of America.
Makes sense to me that Niagara Falls would be featured… Asian tourism in the Falls is so dominant that the Canadian hotels are bilingual — English and Japanese (instead of French).
June 12, 2007 at 11:48 pm
Apparently Carlsbad Caverns is quite important to the Japanese. It appears twice!
June 12, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Apparently Carlsbad Caverns is quite important to the Japanese. It appears twice!
June 13, 2007 at 3:31 am
I’m guessing that Carlsbad Caverns is on the map twice because in the game it has two exits. Probably the player is forced to travel through them at some point in the game because the mountains have been rendered impassible and the caverns are the only way through. There may well be balrog.
July 5, 2007 at 10:38 am
i’d say thats about right, well I don’t know most of those square millde states ( from east coast). actually it looks better than i expected, why is our country so fucking big? theres no reason for a seven hour drive from my home ( lower-right PA) to my school (erie..up right) when it only takes me five hours to drive from south-east germany to paris, france. !
July 5, 2007 at 10:38 am
i’d say thats about right, well I don’t know most of those square millde states ( from east coast). actually it looks better than i expected, why is our country so fucking big? theres no reason for a seven hour drive from my home ( lower-right PA) to my school (erie..up right) when it only takes me five hours to drive from south-east germany to paris, france. !